George and Laura Bush autobiography review

Well, maybe not so much a review as an assessment, or maybe an impression, because I’m sure as hell not going to spend one thin dime on this kind of swill.

[Welcome mockpaperscissors readers! Don’t be shy, leave a comment!]

As their next huge siphoning of Big Money from the Right-Wing Welfare Machine, both Laura Bush and GeeDubbya Bush are coming out with what are alleged to be autobiographies. Of course only a few real people will actually spend money on this garbage, but the publishers will print plenty of copies to be purchased in bulk by the VRWC, driving the books to the top of Best Seller lists and delivering plenty of royalty money to the Bushes who need more cash because, well, just because they do. Expect both books to “outsell” those by the Clintons because that would only be fair, and expect as well to see them emerge quickly in huge piles at Costco and assorted other remainder bins.

Laura’s book is in that cloyingly sweet tone of hers that gets on one’s nerves like the squeal of dental drill, and is all about extremely boring, self-serving apologia and petty accusations. I don’t know exactly what all is in it, and don’t actually care, but what is interesting is the cover photo. At 63 she shows no signs of aging, and although I put no stock in the rumor that she keeps her youthful appearance by sucking vital bodily fluids from aborted fetuses and nightly application of a face cream made from discarded in vitro embryos, one can never be completely sure.

There is something very odd about her, for sure…

Laura Bush Anna V separated at birth
Laura and Anna: Separated at birth?

Shrub’s book is sure to garner more attention, because the VRWC noise machine will see to it that it does. The contents promise to be a hoot revealing, as they purport to dissect Bush’s thinking as he made major decisions during his illegal occupation terms in the presidency.

These being tough economic times, we at Whenceforth Progress are pleased to be able to save you all a few bucks on the purchase price by bringing you an advance peek at the topics, as excerpts from a draft copy found at closing time on a counter in the back of a Houston bar. The draft was reportedly left there accidently by somebody named “Georgie”, who allegedly had passed out after one drink too many while trying to take the edge off a serious cocaine buzz. Not sure who that individual might have been.

Here’s the original cover, which we understand has since been edited:

bush big decisions

Other crucial decision points are discussed, with accompanying illustrative historical photographs. We’ll just highlight a few of the more famous ones.

Here’s GW deciding what to do right after learning a second plane has struck the World Trade Center and having been told that America is under horrific, massive, deadly and effective attack by unknown forces with unknown resources, capabilities and intent:

bush 9/11 The Pet Goat
Bush carefully considers his first crucial decision as US President: “Should I rush to save America, or take seven full minutes to finish reading The Pet Goat?”

While the war in Afghanistan raged and America rushed to open a second battle front in Iraq, Bush faced the next great decision point of his presidency:

shrub clearing scrub
Should I oversee the Afghan war to ensure bin Laden’s capture and review Iraq WMD allegations to confirm an invasion is justified, or pretend to clear brush from that damn ranch Rove made me buy?

Like every President, Bush also had to contend with natural disasters where his leadership would be crucial to the outcome:

bush guitar Katrina
Should I head up the crisis center and make desperately needed decisions only I can make as Katrina devastates the Gulf Coast and a levee break drowns New Orleans killing hundreds, or fuck around pretending to play a guitar?

How could anyone ever forget this moment of shining brilliance for Bush, declaring the Iraq war over on May 1, 2003? Who can say now that he was wrong, with a mere 98% of all casualties – coalition and Iraqi forces and civilians – occuring since then?

bush mission accomplished
In the Battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.

And this shining moment of international diplomacy, where Bush demonstrated his from-the-gut decision-making acumen and proved once and for all that he is adept at thinking on his feet?

bush merkel

Reports that Merkel is still in therapy are surely exaggerated.

In spite of the Bushs’ spinning of reality for their own aggrandizement, eventually history will make an informed judgment and the assessments will not likely be kind. But GW has other judgment worries to contend with, such as WWJD when they meet in heaven?

bush WWJD?

An outcome I pray will last for all eternity.

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